I was originally going to call this post, “Find Your Own Miracle.” But then I sat dumbfounded staring at the screen trying to figure out exactly what I meant.
My health, at this point, is not trending toward the miraculous. It is headed for the predicted. In my case that means kidney transplant.
If I do have a transplant, does that mean that a miracle didn’t occur? No. It doesn’t.
Unless you’re enlightened, you probably judge things to be “good” and “bad.” For instance, remission is good, and pain is bad. We literally walk around unconsciously muttering “good, good, bad, good, bad, very bad, good…”
We assume miracle means that something very, very good happened.
What if that definition is wrong?
What if it is miraculous that you can even feel pain?
What if it is miraculous that science has figured out how to do surgery?
What if it is miraculous that you are even alive?
Could you rest in that? Could you live knowing that you are the miracle? No matter what is going on within your body, it is still miraculous.
Sometimes when I meditate, I can sense a subtle stillness behind my chattering mind, behind my body’s sensations, behind the noise outside. Stillness exists.
That is the miracle. The spark that we are, the thing that never changes, the quiet depth is miraculous.
Even if everything falls apart, it is miraculous that it can. And that we can get through it. With breath. And awareness. And yes, sometimes even tears.
I am trying very hard these days to be open to this type of miracle. I am trying to let go of the specifics. To appreciate that science has figured out how to put someone else’s organ into my body. To be grateful that biologists have discovered drugs that can keep me from rejecting that organ. To rejoice that I get to be part of this miracle even though at times it is really scary.
The miracle isn’t a specific outcome or circumstance, it is YOU.