As people, we are a searching breed. We search through business accomplishments, spirituality, relationships, food, material possessions and any variety of ways you can imagine. We yearn for connection, security and purpose. We want to feel hopeful, inspired and passionate.
Sometimes we are wildly successful. We bask in gratitude and soak up the wonder that is being alive.
Other times we get lost.
I was very lost at the end of the summer 2011. I had just gone through transplant testing and was feeling many beliefs I’d held dear for many years slip through my fingers.
This was a necessary. Exactly what I needed.
Being lost allowed me to once again be found. New ideas and ways of being showed me a more compassionate and authentic way to live. This website and my book came out of allowing myself to become fully lost.
Last night I was guest lecturing at a Stanford Extension class, and I shared a newsletter I wrote during the time when I was lost. I wanted to share it again here, just in case you may be feeling lost too.
Simply, Utterly Lost
I am not sure of what to say. I have been lost. Sliding slowly into emptiness, losing everything I thought that I believed in. I have grasped wildly, journaled furiously, fasted, sought out spiritual healers, hypnotherapists, books, articles, and mentors. Only to lose all sense of who I am.
I am nervous as I type to reveal this secret to you, but as I venture to open up to a friend here or a connection there, I am finding that more and more people are going through the same thing. Life as we knew it seems to be falling away. Motivation gone. Purpose nowhere to be found. Anything solid has dissolved. This is a ridiculously uncomfortable place to be in. Although, somehow I feel that it is necessary.
I wish I had answers for your. Heck, I wish I had answers for me. All I can say is that we are having a human experience. So often in the self-help industry, it is believed that if you can affirm enough and in the right way, if you visualize and live in the present moment, if you release limiting beliefs and heal your inner child you can ascend to a place from which you can control your destiny. This, in an of itself, is an attachment.
We become attached to the idea that somehow we need fixing because we are human. We need fixing because we get sad and angry and fearful. We need fixing because we see our reality as ‘real.’ We need fixing because we don’t have it all figured out. We need fixing because we are not millionaires or do not have perfect health or the most unconditionally loving relationship. I’m tired of needing to be fixed. I am tired of searching for the fix and pressuring myself to provide the fix. I am ready to let control go. I am ready to be honest, ready to be human. I am ready to finally accept that I’m lost.
Today, I want to remind you, and remind me, that it is okay to be where we are. It is okay to be lost for a while. Maybe lost leads somewhere. Maybe becoming lost is necessary to truly, authentically, be found.
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